原文:It seems increasingly likely that I really will undertake the expedition that has been preoccupying my imagination now for some days. An expedition, I should say, which I will undertake alone, in the comfort of Mr Farraday’s Ford; an expedition which, as I foresee it, will take me through much of the finest countryside of England to the West Country, and may keep me away from Darlington Hall for as much as five or six days. The idea of such a journey came about, I should point out, from a most kind suggestion put to me by Mr Farraday himself one afternoon almost a fortnight ago, when I had been dusting the portraits in the library.
从这一段就能看出本书的英文特色。老管家说话面面俱到,用了“I should say”,“I should point out”等插入语,这是史蒂文斯的职业习惯用语,翻译时应该保留。下面是冯涛的翻译。
英文译本。在Amazon上我能找到的所有英文译本──包括纸质书、电子书和有声书籍──都是同一个版本《The Crowd: A Study of the Popular Mind》。此书于1896年(也就是原著出版的后一年)由伦敦的T. Fisher Unwin出版社发行,2002年多佛出版社再版发行。作为原作同一时代的产物,这个译本的语言风格陈旧,带着浓浓的历史味。因为不懂法语,我把这部英译本作为比较的一个参考。
英译本:On the ruins of so many ideas formerly considered beyond discussion, and to-day decayed or decaying, of so many sources of authority that successive revolutions have destroyed, this power, which alone has arisen in their stead, seems soon destined to absorb the others.
英译本:It is by association that crowds have come to procure ideas with respect to their interests which are very clearly defined if not particularly just, and have arrived at a consciousness of their strength.
点评:细心的读者可以看出,以英译为蓝本的和以法语原版为准的分成了两大阵营:到底是不正当的利益,还是不正确的观念?法语译本非常一致地翻译成不正确的观念。而英译本中定语从句“very clearly defined if not particularly just”紧跟在interests(利益)之后,难怪冯和赵都把“不公正”和“利益”挂钩。我还特意参考了北京大学出版社何道宽的译本,也是如此,估计都是被英译本给带跑了。这个例子显示了法语直译的价值。从通顺程度上评,董译稍稍有点拗口,而赵译的双重否定“如果不是特别不公正的话”更加地让读者头疼。这次的赢家是陈译和陆译。
比较三
英译本:Had they been really touched by grace, a like operation could not have the same influence on minds less concerned with the preoccupations which beset these recent adherents to religion. The masses repudiate to-day the gods which their admonishers repudiated yesterday and helped to destroy. There is no power, Divine or human, that can oblige a stream to flow back to its source.
点评:此段颇有点晦涩。大家再一次地划分成两个阵营,这次的分歧在于“Had they been really touched by grace”的翻译:到底是被神明打动还是得到神明的垂爱?冯和赵说是前者,而陆、董、陈说是后者。要回答这个问题必须读上下文。这里的“they”指的是前文中说的新的皈依者,他们之前对教会不屑一顾,结果在日益壮大的群体的力量之前不知所措,只好重新求救于宗教。所以我同意陆、董、陈的翻译:这并不是英文版和法语版的区别,只需要认真读懂上下文。董译中的“不再需要被原先的主人昨日就已否认了的神祇”也太拗口了吧。赵译还有两个小错,就不一一指出了。这次的最佳我会判给陈译,然后是陆译。
比较四
英译本:Replace it by a proportional tax on wages or income of any other kind, to be paid in a lump sum, and were this new imposition theoretically ten times less burdensome than the other, it would give rise to unanimous protest. This arises from the fact that a sum relatively high, which will appear immense, and will in consequence strike the imagination, has been substituted for the unperceived fractions of a farthing. The new tax would only appear light had it been saved farthing by farthing, but this economic proceeding involves an amount of foresight of which the masses are incapable.
英译本:In this way we shall see what crowds may become, but not what they invariably are. It is only in this advanced phase of organisation that certain new and special characteristics are superposed on the unvarying and dominant character of the race; then takes place that turning already alluded to of all the feelings and thoughts of the collectivity in an identical direction.
点评:英译里的“what they invariably are”,我觉得翻译成“他们一直的状态”最贴切。invariably其实就是always的意思,我用谷歌翻译法语原文,也翻译成“一直”。陈译中的”它一成不变的状态”还算讲得过去,但是陆译把它翻译成“它们随时所处的状态”,跑偏了。第二句,陆译中“种族不变的主要内核”,这就不是地道的中文了。最后一个回合,陈剑胜出。
首先书名的翻译我觉得有待商榷。目前图书市场上都把“A Moveable Feast”译成“流动的盛宴”,但我觉得这是误译。作者的原话是这么说的:“If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Paris is a movable feast.” A Moveable Feast是一个双关语,它的本意指的是基于阴历而日期不固定的宗教节日。双关的翻译有讲究,因为一门语言里的双关在另一门语言里很可能就不再是双关──“A Moveable Feast”便是如此──翻译时可以以喻意为准。Moveable翻译成“流动”既不遵从本意(日期可以变动),也不符合喻意(stays with you),而且流动和盛宴实在不搭,也不知最早是谁把它翻译成《流动的盛宴》后就一直延续了下来。汤老在译本序里为标题给了一个很文艺的解释:“此书名为《流动的盛宴》,其意指巴黎这座世界艺术名都历久长青,人才荟萃,一些献身艺术的来到这里奋斗也在这里成名,文人沙龙,歌台舞榭,真好似朝朝寒食,夜夜元宵,年复一年,而岁岁不同,像一席流动的盛宴。”说的是不错,但这是译者自己对中文标题的解读,原作者并无此意。作为翻译我们还是要尊重作者的本意。正巧家中藏有一部中国对外翻译出版公司出版的《美国的文学》(方杰译),书中把它译成《不散的筵席》,非常地道的中文,又符合作者之意,令人信服。
“Scott Fitzgerald invited us to have lunch(换气)with his wife Zelda and his little daughter(换气)at the furnished flat(气息短的可以在这再换一口气) they had rented at 14 rue Tilsitt(换气).”
“At this time Zelda could drink more than Scott could and Scott was afraid for her to pass out in the company they kept that spring and the places they went to.”
最后一例。“他把失败归咎于巴黎,这其实是组织得最适宜于一个作家在其中进行写作的地方。”(“He laid the failure to Paris, the town best organized for a writer to write in that there is,”)看到这句,是不是感到丈二和尚摸不着脑袋?我都怀疑汤老在1999年时是不是参考了当年拙劣的早期机器翻译软件。为什么不用最通俗的大白话说呢?“巴黎是最适合作家写作的城市。”
这段话是不是读起来很费劲?著名翻译家余光中(同时也是诗人和散文家)在《翻译乃大道》把这个叫做翻译体。熟悉英文的读者很快就能发现其中英文定语从句的痕迹──“a great man who… and an ordinary person who…” 英文中的定语从句将被修饰的词放在最前面,读者先读到,便知其义,快读时都可以直接跳过后面的定语从句而不影响理解。可是中文里没有定语从句,在英翻中或者用翻译体写作的时候,就变成了冗长的定语来修饰放在最后的中心词。在这个例句里,作者又插入了一个破折号带出的补充说明,雪上加霜,最后加起来是58字,将中心词“常人”硬生生地割开于千里之外,不是中文的习惯文法。
先说“信”。“Yes, the one who can be many places at once: the Kwisatz Haderach.”译书中翻译成“这个人可以随时进入任何地方”。这明显是翻译错误了。“At once”我们在学校里英文课都学过,是立刻,马上的意思──这个是中学生水平。它还有同时(simultaneously)的意思。这里的正确翻译应该是“那个可以同时出现在多个地方的人”。
再则“达”。“达”指不拘泥于原文形式,译文通顺明白。“I observed you in pain, lad. Pain’s merely the axis of the test. Your mother’s told you about our ways of observing. I see the signs of her teaching in you. Our test is crisis and observation.” 其实这段的原文很好懂,都是短句,没有生僻词,但是如果你看译文的话,就会有困惑。第一处是axis的翻译,这个是一个取词的问题。译者翻译为“疼痛只不过是测试的核心”。把axis翻译成核心,感觉是机器翻译。在中文里,“核心”是主要部分的意思(见《现代汉语词典》)。如果疼痛是核心的话,那么疼痛就是测试的重点了。可是显然作者的意思是疼痛不是重点,否则就不会有merely这个词了。把“只不过”和“核心”放在一起有点自相矛盾的意思。下一句,很简单的句子,译者直译为:“我们的测试就是危机和观察。”可是这个有点读不通吧?作者想说的是,这个测试是通过制造危机,然后观察测试者的反应。我觉得如果把它翻译成“我们的测试是在危机中观察”,会更容易理解。
最后谈一谈“雅”的问题吧。请看第二章的第一段原文:“It was a relief globe of a world, partly in shadows, spinning under the impetus of a fat hand that glittered with rings.” 书中翻译为“这是一个立体星球仪,在黑影中半隐半现,一只胖手转着它,那只手戴着光彩夺目的戒指。”什么叫“一只胖手转着它”?这像是一篇拙劣的小学生作文,一句话的主语换了三次,磕磕碰碰的感觉,太没有美感了!我会把它翻译成“黑影中,立体星球仪在一只胖手的推动下旋转,半隐半现。那手戴着戒指,光彩夺目。”中文里没有不定冠词,翻译时不必把它都一一译过来,这里可以把第一个不定冠词省掉,否则就要“一一不休”了。